I, like many of you, am a child of divorce. Stick with me here; I promise we’ll get to Pikachu. Now, I’m not great at statistics, but my understanding is at least half of the people reading this can relate, and I’m sure most of the rest of you have daddy issues anyway. I don’t think I’ve met anyone who got out of their childhood unscathed, and with those various traumas come the dumb stuff that we’ve held on to. Sorry Paul, when I became a man, I did not put away my childish things. Frankly, Paul, I can relate to very little of your experiences and beliefs anyway.

One of those childish things that brings me an immense amount of comfort is Pokémon. I have very fond memories of my newly single father taking me to Pokémon League at Books-A-Million in the 90s. The memory of the smell of my father’s coffee and a lit Marlboro, the sweltering southern August heat, and the elation of opening a holo Charizard on the BAM patio may truly be the only thing keeping me sane during the third Zoom meeting of the day that could have just been an email, Paul. (Different Paul, but I assume they both have the same opinion of me anyway.)

And so, now in my thirties, and as we descend into the nearly banal twilight of the American empire, I can’t help but feel excited for Nintendo to cash in on my childhood memories. Enter: Pokémon TCG Pocket.

Like Taking Cards from a Baby

Often, I can’t help but think some god of small matters listens in on my conversations and smiles down on me. The more important gods of more important matters don’t seem to care, but this one is for sure a homie. One of my best friends was telling me they picked up the Pokémon TCG Battle Academy set for their kid so they can start teaching them tabletop games. After shoving aside the existential dread of hearing something that puts into perspective just how old I’ve become, I became interested. The set teaches you how to play with a smaller deck of just a few Pokémon and fewer rules. In a way, it reminded me of the Blitz format for Flesh and Blood, my TCG of choice, but also felt a bit like actually being a trainer in the world of Pokémon.

We talked about it for a while, and because our phones are spying on us for the ruling class, I started getting ads and articles about the upcoming Pokémon TCG Pocket app. It is almost exactly Blitz for Pokémon, and I think it’s everything I need in an app like this. Big ups to the god of small matters.

So first off, a deck in Pokémon TCG Pocket consists of 20 cards; no more, no less. You can only have two copies of any one card in your deck, and these rules create quick, fun, and surprisingly strategic gameplay. It seems to me, anyway, that the best way to build a deck in this format is to have between two and three basic Pokémon, their evolutions if there are any, and fill the rest of the deck with trainer cards.

For example, Mewtwo EX can deliver a devastating 150 damage attack, which will knock out almost anything. The downside is it costs four energy, and you have to discard two energy when you use it. You only get one energy per turn, but Gardevoir actually allows you to add an additional energy to your active Pokémon from the bench. You get those two out, which might be the only Pokémon in your deck, and you are golden. Like most card games, there is a meta, and there are five or six decks out that are competitive. You’re going to see those decks a lot, but that also means you’re going to know what to expect. For my money, that’s what I want in a card game.

I have my game plan, I know their game plan, and we battle it out to see who gets there first. I don’t know what the paper Pokémon TCG community feels about Pocket, but I love it. I’m having so much fun. The limited number of Pokémon makes you feel like it’s a battle right out of the anime. What more could you want?

Now, it’s the Pokémon TCG, so there is a great deal of variance. A large factor in any match is RNG, and games usually come down to coin flips or card draws. We’re not playing chess over here, but that’s not what Pocket is selling. It’s a trip down memory lane filled with the dopamine spikes of chance. That or cute Pokémon to children, but this article isn’t for them. Yes, I just won that game solely because I flipped heads twice with my Marowak out, but that’s like rolling a crit in D&D. I’m choosing to believe it’s my love of D&D anyway and not my crippling gambling addiction that’s being stimulated.

Speaking of gambling addiction, you also open packs to get your cards. In all honesty, that’s probably the main draw here, but it is very fun. When you go to open a pack, you choose one from a rotating, invisible carousel, you slide your finger across as if you are cutting it open, and you flip through them one at a time. There is a timer for twelve hours that, when it ticks down to zero, you can open a pack of cards, so that’s two packs a day. You can get items in various ways that lower the timer, but there is a certain point, at least for now, where you will hit a wall and barely get any. Those two packs a day, though, are a hell of a rush, let me tell you.

Real Talk

Okay, I’m pulling up a chair, I’m flipping it around, and I’m sitting in it backward because we need to have a serious talk. In addition to the ways of cracking packs I’ve mentioned above, you can also buy gold that lowers the timer. There are different bundles, but essentially it comes down to one pack is one dollar. If you are anything like me, that can get dangerous, which is what Nintendo wants, of course. Just like any gacha or gambling game apps, the buy-ins are low, but they add up over time.

Just don’t buy anything. I know, easier said than done, but for real. Look me in the eyes. Let’s make a pact. Don’t spend money. This is a fun little game, and it doesn’t need to become an issue. If, however, you know you are very susceptible to this kind of thing, maybe don’t download it. The temptation is always there. I will admit, I have spent some money. Not a lot, but more than I should have. It just always feels like just one more dollar will get you that Starmie EX you are looking for. The upside is you can play without spending money. My more responsible friends are.

I currently have seven pretty legit decks built, but you don’t need that. Here is some advice: build one good deck and just let the rest come to you. Marowak EX can make a very powerful deck, fastest in the game by my estimation though RNG-heavy, and if you choose to open the Mewtwo pack as your very first pack, you are guaranteed a Marowak EX. After that, all you need is one more and a bunch of easy-to-come-by cards. Also, if you have an Android, you can spend Google Play points for packs. Just be careful out there.

I am in no way sponsored by Nintendo; I have just been having fun with this little app, so I genuinely don’t want you to waste money on it. It’s fun, but not that fun. Now get out and become a Pokémon master. Just do it slowly.